I’m 36 years old, living in my dream home, with a husband better than anything I could have imagined for myself. I've worked my way up at an iconic company and have a job that I deeply love. Additionally, I have a podcast and an online community that allows me to tap into my creative side, filling me up in ways I've only just begun to explore.

However,

Nine years ago, I completely blew up my entire life—every single aspect of it. What was once a time I felt ashamed and embarrassed of has now become something I wake up every day thankful for. If I hadn't been brave enough to make the decisions I did to get myself out of a very tricky situation, I wouldn't have the fulfilling life I do today, and I certainly wouldn't be the woman I've grown to be.

At 25, I was desperate to be loved, but hindsight being 20/20, I didn't even know what that meant. I didn't understand what healthy, romantic love looked like because I hadn't seen much of it in my life. In a perfect storm, I received all the attention and "love" I craved from someone who couldn't have been more wrong for me. I was engaged by 26, just nine months after a whirlwind romance full of red flags I wasn't wise enough to see. By month 10, I wasn't in love, but I was stuck. Stuck in my apartment I could no longer afford on my own, having been forced to kick out a roommate. Stuck in silence because I feared telling my parents or friends about my situation, in case we could work things out and I didn't want them to judge him. I felt the most alone I've ever felt in the most committed relationship I had been in to date. Oh, and I had, had a massive engagement party, a confirmed wedding date and not one but two wedding dresses.

Please excuse my language, but what the f*ck was I going to do?

I won’t get into all the details of how I blew up my life because that’s not what this story is about. If I’m being honest, what seemed like the biggest deal ever in my life... I can hardly even remember anymore. I used to be able to recite the story backward and forward with my eyes closed because I had to tell it so many times, and now it's a blip—this little thing that I went through in my 20s that I learned a lot from, not immediately, but over time.

Now, here's why I think everybody should blow up their lives at least once, whether it's a relationship, a job, a city, best friend, whatever. There is so much to be learned when you're in the shit, and what happens when you get out—in my experience, it's bigger and better than anything you could have dreamed of when you were in that place, at that job, or with that person that just wasn't serving you. If you are not lit the hell up by what you are doing or the person you are with, you can absolutely leave, no matter how long you've been there or how old you are. There are so many good days to be had, once you get clear.

Calling off my engagement forced me to learn to put myself first, to choose me, to choose my happiness. I'm not saying that you should be this selfish in every relationship, and when you find the right one, trust me, you will learn to be more selfless. But until then, or even if it fades because love can do that, and that's okay too, you gotta choose you, boo.

This dramatic life change thrust me so far out of my comfort zone that I had no choice but to level up. I had to get creative, find a side hustle to pay my rent, and start dreaming bigger for myself. It also forced me to seek therapy. I knew that I couldn’t just slap a band-aid on this thing and that I needed to heal the wounds and start loving myself truly, madly, and deeply before I could ever love someone else.

I also learned to have grace and forgiveness for myself. I was so ashamed for so long, ashamed to see my family, even though they fully supported my decision. It was just so embarrassing to me that I even got myself into the mess in the first place. I learned that shame doesn’t get us anywhere; it's just something we need to move through to learn to love ourselves more.

Blowing up my life forced me to reevaluate my values, goals, and priorities. I started this entry by saying I wake up every day grateful for this difficult decision I had to make, and it's true. If I hadn’t experienced this, I wouldn’t have made the changes that I did, and my life would look a lot different.

Now, please, I beg you, don’t go looking into every corner of your life with a stick of dynamite just because I said we all need to blow our lives up to grow. I just hope this post encourages you to not be scared if you ever have to.

If you want to learn more about me and my story, I shared it all last year on WYO and you can have a listen, just below.